Unfortunate

Thing started pretty well. We went to see Snow White and the Huntsman and we were super cuddly all through it despite knowing each other for all of a week, at this point. I spent the entire time mocking the movie (it’s super mockable).

Then we had dinner, and I criticized the movie, and dinner was… edible, even if the conversation was indigestible.

Then we went to a bar because a friend of his was working and could give us free drinks.

I swear I only had four drinks. I was only one ahead of my date.

I just failed to account for the fact that they were basically cheap-little-clear-plastic-cup-sized shots.

My date had to drive me home.

I peed in a parking lot on the way.

And then again, on my carpet.

While he was here. 

Woke up in my bathroom closet, on the floor, and crawled back to the man in my bed.

He drove me back to the bar this morning so I could get my car.

I stumbled when I got out of his.

That was not a proud night for me.

But he wants to see me again?

I might still be drunk.

I don’t understand.

1. Eat all these blueberries.
2. Eat all the chips and salsa.
3. Maybe make some caprese sandwiches (minus basil because fresh basil is apparently impossible to find near my apartment).
4. Shave.
5. Brush teeth.
6. Sleep like the Dickens.

If we assert that the asking of a question is an expression of doubt, then the question “Do I love you?” has a unique answer.　

Which means I can schedule a haircut for tomorrow!

Because I might have, like, a date type thing tomorrow evening.

Maybe, sorta.

Because my roommates brought a friend back to the apartment last night.

And they were screaming and slapping each other and shouting in russian at 3 am.

I had to put on my robe and walk to the kitchen to say:

I am truly accepting of all sorts of S&M shit, but it is nearly 3 am on a Tuesday.

And it definitely had nothing to do with the bottle of wine I drank after dinner.

Or had wifi, and a legit web browser, with missing-e, I be throwin’ shade like a fuckin’ umbrella.

On a similar note: if you want to see my (recently) famed video, send me your Dropbox account linked email.